Coping With Life

I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, a million of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by it’s power, it’s unceasing notion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with the one we love is perhaps the greatest joy as we can know - unless it be to share our laughter.

There comes a point where you just love someone. Not because they’re good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t hurt each other. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.

What’s the worst part? The morning and the time before I go to sleep. I miss your voice being the first and last thing I hear. I miss telling you about my day. I miss making you laugh. I miss the way you could always make me smile. I miss how whenever I was mad, you had the power to calm me down. I miss telling you how I felt about you. I miss you.

Hope is the most dangerous emotion in the world. It has the power to blind the most perceptive individuals, silence the most rational of doubts, forgive the most heinous injustices. Hope has the power to heal, but only in equal measure with its power to destroy.

The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you places you shouldn’t be, places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring, and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending. And that’s not even the difficult part. The difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal, and you go into the unknown. And once you do, you can never go back.

There is beauty in endings, even if we don’t want to admit it at the time. Remember, we are always in awe of the beauty of a sunset, as it takes away the light of the day we knew. We know the sun will rise again, we know the stars will guide us through the darkness of the night. Life isn’t much different than the scenes it plays before our eyes. Things will get brighter again.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

Time meant nothing, anything seemed real. You kissed like fire and you made me feel like every word you said was meant to be. It couldn’t have been that easy to forget about me.

I don’t know. Just some days are harder than others. Some days you don’t cross my mind at all, and other days you’re the only thing I think about. Some days are so easy because I’ve got distractions. Some days I just sit in my room and listen to sad songs and think about you. I can’t help it. I can’t shake this feeling of uncertainty, of not knowing which direction to move in. I just want you to give me closure, because I can’t deal with all these different feelings coming at me.

I’ve been in this constant state of missing you and wanting nothing to do with you and trying not to think about you and letting you consume my mind and hating myself for it over and over again.